Sorry You Missed Me

I’ve been missing myself somewhat too.


Back Pat

They say looking in the mirror each morning and saying one good thing about yourself is a great way of building self esteem.

Look into the mirror and move your eyes away from that receding hairline.

Those milia dotted about.

The dark circles which surround the eyes.

The flaking skin.

That crooked grin.

Forget all about those things and look right into your soul. And say something nice.


‘I’ve never killed a person.’


‘I’m not all that bad.’

Then try and smile with that crooked grin.

Because you said something good.

Now all you have to do is sit back and come up with another positive aspect of yourself. Don’t panic too much. Scrape that barrel.

Bunbury Publishing LTD Creative Anthology Volume 1: 2016 – The Event

bunFor those who knew me, you’ll be happy to know that I don’t talk much anymore.

No more nonsensical ramblings.

No more tangents.

No more confusion.

I keep my mouth shut, it’s better that way.

I rarely even go outside, so taking myself to Bury for the Bunbury Publishing LTD Creative Anthology Volume 1: 2016 book launch was somewhat of a challenge. The last time I went to such an event I felt disconnected from it all. I gave a reading and my mouth went dry. I spluttered through it then went back to the flat and stayed in bed for a week.  Continue reading

The Solution To My Problems

I decided to go to an expo which focused on my condition. It’s an annoying condition which causes me all manner of problems, from work related problems to home related problems, to everything else related problems.

Overall, it’s just one problem after the other with this condition, and I was hoping I could get some answers, isn’t that what we are all looking for? Bill Gates found an answer, but he won’t return my calls. Albert Einstein found an answer, but my seance says he’s busy. So she let me talk to a Peter instead. He was insistent I’d been doing too much lately, and I ensured him I’d not been doing enough.  Continue reading

New Channels

New channels have suddenly emerged thanks to the new model of TV which comes with more buttons to press! No longer stuck to one channel, you can visit these sites: – Books – Food – Video games – Film – Music

The only thing missing is a channel in which you can indulge in your wildest fantasies at £1.50 a minute on top of regular service provider costs. Which means you could be missing everything.

Though right now, all you’ll get is the equivalent of this:

test card

Things That Are Trying To Kill Me

Falling nuts, maybe peanuts, hazelnut, Brazillian, Almond or Coconut

Passing cats, maybe tabby, feral, grey or fat.

And then the dust mites try to climb up my nose.

And danger lurks in the egg whites, milk, cod, wheat and soya that I may consume.

So I tape up my nose and stitch up my mouth, and lie in the dark.

Assassins are everywhere.