Random Battles

I wake up and I must murder purple rats from bed to bath.

I walk to work and find myself late due to wild boars and bears.

I work out and every two StairMaster steps I see malevolent muscles.


I white out when I can’t make tea due to poison snails at my feet.

Random battles, without them I’d be free.



Why Don’t We Go Back And Play A Game?

‘Why don’t we go back and play a game? she asked me as we danced in the club. There was a local DJ on, pumping out local music which wafted out of my mind the second we left to the local store for whiskey and wine. Continue reading

New Channels

New channels have suddenly emerged thanks to the new model of TV which comes with more buttons to press! No longer stuck to one channel, you can visit these sites:

https://channellibrary.wordpress.com/ – Books

https://channelgourmet.wordpress.com/ – Food

https://channelgaming.wordpress.com/ – Video games

https://channelfilm.wordpress.com/ – Film

https://channelaudio.wordpress.com/ – Music

The only thing missing is a channel in which you can indulge in your wildest fantasies at £1.50 a minute on top of regular service provider costs. Which means you could be missing everything.

Though right now, all you’ll get is the equivalent of this:

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Channel Static’s (Nintendo) Games of 2014

Sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the year to jump from console to console, so here are the top five Nintendo titles of 2014, featuring murder, romance, jelly, fisticuffs and floating through space. Not all the same game, wouldn’t that be something?

5. Hyrule Warriors


Hacking away at countless enemies is a joy when the days are long and the work is rough. Bad day? Switch off and go off on a rampage! Continue reading

Channel Static’s Games of 2013

In 2013 I conquered worlds, and lead squads into battle. I scored the winning goal and broke a passerby’s legs. I also became a block and ended up trapped between a bunch of other blocks. That wasn’t such a pleasant memory, I should have continued living in the worlds of my top five games of 2013 for just a while longer. I shot hamsters for fun, defended whales, ran through jungles, paid my mortgage and did a thirty minute jog everyday till I threw up the morning banana. Ah, gaming.


Level start!

Continue reading