Next Door

I think my parents live in the room next to me. I can’t be sure though, I’ve never been one to chit-chat with the neighbours. Even when they call my name and scream ‘tea’.

 

Dead Donkey On The Patio Steps

It wasn’t always like this for the electronic dancing donkey. When he was purchased and taken to this home, he’d dance at the clap of the hands, and people loved that dancing. He was a crazy dancing donkey, dancing to Brazilian music like it was never going out of style. There was a glint of passion in his plastic eyes, and the clapping would commence on a regular basis. Everyone wanted to see the electronic dancing donkey, and if they didn’t, they’d see it anyway. 

Sitting Around Waiting For Something To Happen

If you hold on for a minute, something will happen.

If you hang on for an hour to so, something will definitely happen.

I think waiting here till tomorrow will lead to something happening.

How about spending the week here? You’ll be surprised when something happens, I’d hate for you to miss it?

Okay, next month there is this thing happening. I’ll see you sometime after.

When.

 

Fashionable Beard

The in thing, the everything.

Without it, what else would I have to chew on once my nails end up too short and sore?

Plus, digging single hairs out with teeth, feeling it pull, that pang of pain, the absolute defeat of the struggling piece as it ends up disconnected from the rest.

It makes slow hours spin.

just Another…

Mistak

Escape

You can bite all you want

As long as you want

As hard as you want

It doesn’t mean you’ll break through

Sorry You Missed Me

I’ve been missing myself somewhat too.

Job Hunt

Cleaner
Driver
Sales Assistant
Teaching Assistant
Support Worker

Apple

Apple

As I brushed my teeth, I couldn’t avoid the gaze of my reflection in the mirror. Grey tired eyes, patchy beard, Rudolph nose, skin stretched like a tight rubber horror mask, and an apple on my forehead, the same face that greeted me every morning. Well, the red apple was new, I gave it a rub to make sure it wasn’t a fleshy growth, but no, it was an apple, shiny and new. I tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge. Did someone break in over night and glue it there? I spat the toothpaste into the sink.

None of my hats would fit so I headed out leaving the apple undisturbed. People pointed and stared, but I didn’t mind, first time in a long time anyone cared to see me. Some even took pictures, I was the apple of their eyes, one of their five a day. And so on., I was having a surprisingly grand old time.

I ordered coffee at my favourite cafe, I even ordered an apple pie. When Mrs Smith at the till put my orders through she couldn’t stop looking at me.

‘New in town?’ She asked me.

‘It feels like it.’ Is all I could say as she handed me my plate. She grinned as she stared at my pie.

‘Isn’t this cannibalism?’ She laughed, I snorted.

As I drank my coffee and ate my food, I felt like a famous movie star as the other customers ogled at my daring new fashion statement. One girl even came up to me and whispered in my ear.

‘I want to bite it.’

‘We’re in public, dear.’ I gulped, I swear I could feel the apple quake and shiver.

On the way home I felt a sting as something came hurtling past my cheek. I ducked and saw what had nearly hit me lying on the ground between my feet. An arrow, and then another came landing to the other side. I turned and saw a man with a bow aiming a third.

‘What’s the big idea?!’ I cried, trying to pathetically cover my head.

‘You know how it is with apples on heads.’

Bullseye.

100 Years

It’s hard to guess just how the world will be in one hundred years time. I won’t see it, you won’t see it, only the unlucky 0.something percent who are currently below the age of fifteen will witness this century of change.

Will my house still be standing?

Will the sun still be shining?

Will the Big Mac still be a thing?

Will anyone be smiling?

Will the council still require volunteers?

Will people be working for the weekend?

Will we still  be signing on for the dole?

Will the cities still be above the sea?

Will the world still know Mickey Mouse?

Will the advancements of technology take away out control?

And will the World’s Largest Pear Drop still be standing?

 

None of these questions can be answered without doubt, except for one.

Yes, the pear drop will never fall.