Those Use By dates sure don’t kid around. I thought I’d be safe eating day-old Tortellini, and then today happened. As I rubbed my belly better I noticed a sticker stuffed inside my belly button. I pulled it out and read it aloud, ‘Use By 24th Sep 2019.’ And then I carried on eating the rest of the Tortellini I’d saved for the next day.
I don’t want to take my hat off indoors. It’s keeping me warm and snug, I don’t care if it’s rude, this beanie is my style. And I know what people think when they see people wearing hats indoors, ‘oh yeah, that guy’s bald, I know, I know.’, and I think that too. And it’s true, but so what? Do you really need to see that? Your reflection might blind you.
The sound of a printer fills me with dread. It sounds like the machine is inflicting real pain onto the paper that goes through the mouth and comes out the ass. And when I pick up the fresh piles, I see the words that have been injected and sigh. Was it even worth the paper going through all that?
Urr urr urr urr urr urr urr
When paper jams, its doing someone a favour.
Is a rainy day in Manchester. Anyone who’s visited will know this to be true.
I got a stinging sensation, it runs top to bottom, and boy does it sting.
Maybe a jellyfish attacked me in my sleep.
Maybe the allergies made me scratch myself till I bled. The healing process isn’t so sweet.
Maybe it was the wasp from a few months ago, that sent out another hit on me.
Maybe it’s all in my head, I often feel pain when I can’t get out of bed.
Whatever the case, I got a stinging sensation and the dock leaves are out for each and every season.
I often like to watch people swimming whilst I’m sitting inside the steam room. I sit opposite the door to get the best view, the swimmers are right outside, but it feels like they are swimming in another dimension, little watery blobs gliding on by. As the room steams up, they turn into mirages of swimmers, and it’s like I’m dreaming with my eyes open. Lucid? Not quite, and the steam smothers them, and I’m starting to feel sick.
I wonder if anyone does the same when I’m swimming.
There’s a flappy ghost living in the local swimming pool. They were sick of people not showering before heading into the pool, so cursed those swimmers with flappy skin sensations as they went swimming. I felt it myself just this morning, like a piece of my foot was hanging loose as I did the breast stroke, everytime I stopped to take a look I saw no flaps, just a foot.
I guess when I showered I missed a spot, I’m sorry, flappy ghost!
That Tesco Meal Deal boycott I was talking about some time back?
Well, I bought one. £3.40.
How weak I am. What (extra) values do I even hold?
Red House painters, I know.
Discounted Halloween chocolate, all ten bars.
The cheapest red wine, only for the best writers.
Bukowski, he speaks for most of the above.
And my hot water bottle, you make me hot.
Without these things, I don’t know, I’d probably find some other things.
I was a little sad I didn’t get to see too many fireworks on Bonfire Night this year. I think someone up there, or someone down there, heard me and went out of their way to fix this.
I was in the queue for some fast food Chinese, sometimes you just get that salty craving. It was a busy Food Hall, and the only thing I could hear before someone could take my order was the sound of a screaming banshee, it made my ears ring, and then a flash of light flew past, before exploding somewhere in a crowd of people not far from my position. Some kids had set off a firework inside and suddenly I had no hunger for salty fast food Chinese.
It was the most fireworks I’d seen all year.
Channel Static 