My Cheesy Keyring

I received a keyring with my name on it. It featured a description to express just what it means to be a Joe, surrounded by polka dots and smiling emojis. For all the Joe’s of the world, this is what we are, the plastic key ring doesn’t lie.

”A Joe is a man sweeter than chocolate, more sensitive than the petals on a dying flower. His heart is the size of his head, and will protect all those he loves, even if he breaks because of it.”

How sweet! And then I saw the small print.

”Except for this Joe. This Joe is gullible, already in pieces, and the only thing in common this Joe shares with the other Joe’s is that he will share the same fate as everybody else in the world.”

I shrugged and attached the keyring to my keys. Tell me something I don’t know.



Couch Surfing

Sleeping on couches saves money

Sleeping on couches is convenient

Sleeping on couches brings freedom

Sleeping on coaches leads me lost

Sleeping on couches brings back pain

Surfing on coaches down stairs is too much fun

Sleeping on couches is kind of lonely

Sleeping on couches is all I’ve got.

Personal Strengths, Accomplishments, and Admiration

I can lift a police car over my head.

I can throw a cardboard box into space.

I’m not afraid of well lit places

I once ran around a swimming pool twenty times in one day.

I found the secret to self loving.

I am the world’s best snorer

I fought the monster with teeth made of beaks.

I saved the child with his head in his hands

I am in love with my spots.

I can make ripples with my nipples

I stopped a paper mache display falling onto an elderly baby

I stopped a man from handing in his notice

I found the only Latin speaking crab


These are my strengths, my accomplishments, and what I admire. I can do everything if you ask me tomorrow, just don’t ask me today.