Cabin In The Rough

He lived in a cabin in the rough. It was an out-of-the-way sort of cabin but he liked it that way. He lived each day in peace and harmony, cooking badger pies after a solid hunt. The location only became a bother when golf balls started hitting the side of his house, one even went through a window. He stood on the porch trying to figure it all out but all he got was some guy in the distance shouting ‘Fore!’. He could only watch as they stood on his drive trying to hit the balls back onto the green.

Back From Sick Leave

I was finally well enough to return to work. They took me into the back room, placed a bowl of wrapped ramen on the table then shone a light on my face. It was two middle managers playing good cop and bad cop. One of them tore up my sick note, and the other let me sniff the ramen bowl. I couldn’t smell anything through the clingfilm.

They spent an hour interviewing me, trying to understand the source of my sickness and I almost wished that they could. When they finally gave up my head snapped off. The outbreak continued.

Drinks Collide

On the tram, I saw two drinks collide. A Fanta Fruit Twist and a Sprite Zero, just how much more twisted would this concoction get? There was a jolt and away the two drinks went, both opened ready for sipping, but now the contents of both bottles were a puddle on the floor. I apologised to the owner of the other bottle and tried to scoop the liquids up back into my bottle. Bit which liquid was mine and which was theirs? The two flavours had mingled, so we had to scoop up and share.

And that’s how we met.

24/7 Nurse

I chug Day Nurse during the day, and I chug Night Nurse during the night because that’s how it’s supposed to be. Every time I feel the sickness coming on I take a swig based on time. It keeps me going but I don’t know where I’m going. To the next page of a book I don’t like, to the office on Bring Your Dog to work day, or perhaps the cinema so I can remember nothing but the bug.

Even when I’m well the nurse is with me because that’s how it’s supposed to be. Bottle in the bag.

Standing In Line

I’m standing in line. It’s a long line. It winds around the street. I’m somewhere near the back, but in time I won’t be. That’s how lines work.

The people in front and the people behind are a jumble sale, there is no order or sense to any of it. We’re all jumbled together in line and after five minutes the jumble takes a step. Someone is reading On The Road. Someone is scratching their armpits. It’s hot.

After some time I forget what the line is actually for, all my thoughts have left to join another line somewhere. Bagels.

A Stuffy Alien

I speak through my nose to strangers. Each word comes out like a low hum, can you make me out through the mumble? I often repeat myself multiple times but still, they look at me like my mouth is full of bees.

I tried to copy the people who came before me but I took the wrong lessons. No one really does the chicken walk, when was the last time you received a response via thumbs up? What’s that? I can’t hear you. Maybe open that mouth a little more, let the bees out.

We go through this every day.

And So… Got To Get More Serious

I thought I saw an old colleague in the falafel wrap shop. I said hi. They said… nothing. Of course.

Someone said ‘I like you a lot, you know?’ Did I?

At a BBQ I talked to a guy for twenty minutes about the film Dune. He thought I was talking about Doom.

Empty frames in the corridor. ‘What are you going to fill them with?’

‘I like them just how they are.’

There always has to be a you. Without you what would the people do?

‘You know that guy with curly hair?’

Always the guy with curly hair.

An Assortment

On the way home the usual crossing had a large lorry turning, blocking the road for any incoming traffic. I waltzed across with ease and a woman behind me did the same. ‘That was an easy cross today, wasn’t it?’

‘Yeah, it certainly was.’ I’m not sure if they were talking to me. I turned back to see the road now packed with cars, the lorry was no longer a blocking point.

When I got back to the flat I sat down and let the brief conversation float around in my head. ‘Yeah, it certainly was.’ The lorry burst through.

Well Well

An art exhibition had a television in the corner of the room. It was emitting peaceful noises of nature, birds chirping and wind softly blowing. It helped create a peaceful atmosphere and allowed myself to enjoy the blue clay sculptures dotted around the room even more than I would in complete silence. On my way out I took a look at the television screen to see what was on display alongside the sounds and all that played was a well situated in the distance. I shivered and quickly left. Nothing good ever comes of wells, especially when they’re on TV.

Main

He sat down next to me and started talking into my ear. It was a nightclub, you have to whisper away everything that makes sense in such an environment.

‘Do you ever see yourself as the main character in life? It’s a syndrome.’

I looked around the club and thought about it. I saw crowds of dancers all doing different dances, and someone spilled their drink. The music was loud and I couldn’t quite put together an answer that a main character would say.

‘But if I’m the main character and you’re the main character, how does that work?’

Dance.