You Are What You Write

Smelling of roses
Comes from flowery writing
Me? I smell of dung.

Moon Landing

She’s ended up on the moon. I’m not sure how she did it, but she has managed to escape this place. Away from the grinding nine to five, family politics, and eating pot noodles in the early hours of the morning whilst reading Cracked.com lists. I hold my hand to the moon so I can no longer see it. Then I scrunch the same hand up.

I’m not sure how I got here, but I’ve ended up on the moon. I have all the time to myself, and I just love kicking up moon dust. It’s great to be free from it all, at least that’s what I thought. After a few weeks of dust kicking and cheese eating, everything started to feel so normal. I started making my own Cracked.com lists about each individual mouse I saw. As I looked to the Earth, I clasped my hands around it, as if it was mine.

The Joys Of Second Hand Gaming

I pick up three new games. Super Stealth Man, At War with Dogs, and Flying High. It’s 3 for 2 which makes a good deal, and I’ve been looking up these games for quite some time. The employee smiles as I purchase my items, and he offers me a nice day as I leave. Of course I’m going to rush home and start one of my new games. Take me away from this world, and all that. I can game for days, people have often not seen me for weeks.

But when I get home I find all the discs full of scratches, and one box seems to contain bits of dried up puke. I wonder if they let hamsters use discs as ice rinks before selling them on, or if the previous owner used them as coasters before they realised they could use them for money.

Whatever the case, I spent most of the evening crossing my fingers that each game would get me past the first level. And that hit too close to home, for isn’t that just how it is living a second hand life, anyway?

Mess In The Shower

Masturbating in the shower is overrated. No one can see you, or catch you unless you leave the door unlocked, and it’s good to lie back and let the water splash you. Just make sure you aren’t getting the floor wet, that’s most important.

But it really isn’t worth it. It feels the same, and the cum quickly dries up into a real suburban menace. It’s like dandruff, it just flakes.

If your going to masturbate, just go for the good old lying in bed with a tissue in front position.

Less mess, cleaner life. What have you got to prove?

The guy on the bus next to me nods his head as I type this.

Up All Night

To get more cheese from the fridge downstairs.

Without cheese dreams, why bother sleeping?

You’ll understand after your first late night bite.

The mice in the sheets are not the ones you’ll meet.

Night Cap

She walks into the room completely naked and grinds up against the bed.

And I tell her ‘Can we really not do this tonight?’

We still do. A night cap helps her sleep too.

Merry Christmas 2015

Who was I with on Christmas Day 2015?

Where did I go? What did I get?

How was the turkey? How was the mince?

I’m sure it was all merry and fine.

But Christmas 2015, lost to the mind.

Too much whiskey and wine?

Christmas Eve 2015

It’s Christmas Eve and I wonder if it’s too late to change my list

Santa if you’re listening, scrap everything I wrote down

I was trying to be a better person this time

But asking for world peace instead of Scalextric?

Please Santa, I was wrong.

Farting Beauty

She unloads farts on me every day, and every night. She does it because it’s funny, to her, and to me, I just reel back in disgust.

But when I fart on her, she finds it equally as disgusting, or perhaps even more so. Because as a dude, my farts just can’t be cute. Or so she says.

Even when I stuff sprinkles up my butt. How rude.

Trip

When she goes on a trip I get restless, I roll around in bed and itch myself to sleep.

Does she put peanut sprinkles in the bed sheets when she leaves?

You wouldn’t believe the places skin flakes will form.

We both take separate trips in different ways. It keeps us scratching for days.

Or just me, but you get what I’m saying, I’m sure you’ve itched down under too.