Dead Job End

There she was, my dead grandmother lying in her coffin, waiting to be burned. I felt incredibly anxious studying her endlessly sleeping, noting how her make-up was far better than she ever had it living. I tried to point this out, but no one would listen, insisting she was always a master at powdering. I thought it unwise to bring up her drug past in relation to this, so left the room to have a panic attack about it all somewhere else. Continue reading

Morning Commute

He arrived at the bank at 8.45am, clutching a series of filled change bags. Once he’d arrived in front of the queue, he realised that there wasn’t much of a queue at all. Instead he saw a street full of bodies lying on the floor, lying in the road, lying by the door. For a minute he considered a massacre, but he began to notice the sound of snoring, the rising of snot bubbles, and the turning and scratching of backs. That morning the world was still asleep, and he watched the dreamers, simply wondering how much change he had.



I’m ¬†making pancakes for me and my friends.


It’s an instant mix, just add water, serves twelve!

I’m cooking them up in quick succession, no flips leave any pancakes undone.

Thick sugary pancakes for everyone, they eat them right up.  Add blueberries, add butter, add sauce!

But when it comes to my pancake, well, the mix is nearly done. I add more water, I stretch it thin, I see how far it can be pulled. It spreads itself for me, it spreads itself so thin.

I can see right through it, its pale as my skin. It falls apart in my hands, the edges stick to the pan.

It’s my pancake through and through.


Add blueberries, add butter, add sauce, it still tastes fine of course!

Back Pat

They say looking in the mirror each morning and saying one good thing about yourself is a great way of building self esteem.

Look into the mirror and move your eyes away from that receding hairline.

Those milia dotted about.

The dark circles which surround the eyes.

The flaking skin.

That crooked grin.

Forget all about those things and look right into your soul. And say something nice.


‘I’ve never killed a person.’


‘I’m not all that bad.’

Then try and smile with that crooked grin.

Because you said something good.

Now all you have to do is sit back and come up with another positive aspect of yourself. Don’t panic too much. Scrape that barrel.