Panda-man

csc_1657Seeing a panda in captivity, and learning about its traits through a bamboo wielding interpreter taught me a few interesting things about the best bear in the world. Sorry, Yogi.

The panda eats 1/3 of its weight in bamboo, though will only eat bamboo it takes a fancy too, making the panda an incredibly picky eater. It’s a fine dining panda.

The panda only lives to twenty in the wild, thirty in captivity. This is understandable, the wild would kill me too.

The panda likes to sit back and eat, then take a number of naps throughout the day. It doesn’t even have to go outside, it’s a pressure free job. Marching penguins are full of envy.

I imagine it going around the zoo on a mobility scooter, with zoo keepers running after it carrying stacks of bamboo. At a single click of the panda‘s fingers, they would run faster, passing the bamboo along like a baton. Once the bamboo finally made it to the panda, it would give it one sniff before throwing it away. If the panda could speak, it would say ‘sub-par’. A thick skin would be required for the job.

The panda is dependent on other people to survive, but no one minds as long as they get to see it sit and climb.

Even if it doesn’t do these things everyday, it’s still okay, for the panda is loved by all. We’d rush it with hugs if it didn’t have the power to snap our ribs. We’d take it home if we had the space for all that bamboo.

I wish I was a panda.

 

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