The Flowerpot Man, called David Parker, is a rare specimen of a human being. His body is made up of generic garden pottery, often used to house plants, all tied together with thin pieces of string like skin. Within the Flower Pot Man are the typical innards one would expect from a person, it’s just the outside that’s different. Well there doesn’t seem to be any bones, but that’s what pottery is for!
The arms and legs are smaller pots, allowing for flexibility, whilst the body is one huge pot, the type people buy as a novelty, rather than with the intention of actually filling it full of beautiful flowers. The fingers are also akin to a novelty pot, but the ones you find on holiday as fridge magnets. The head is made out of two large pots, with the stringy skin allowing for the top pot to move with the bottom, acting like a human mouth. The eyes are clear blue human eyes though, providing that uncanny valley look, it’s just the rest that is fragile orange pottery. From head to toe, to fingers and more, it’s all pot mixed with a touch of skin.
There is no mud, no flowers, nothing like that, and liquid food goes down the mouth pot like a charm. Never feed a flowerpot man solids, unless you want to watch them choke on it. Some often do, for Flowerpot men do look a little grotesque with their bulky body and elastic skin. When you see horrors, you either run or fight. Or stuff chicken bites down their flowerpot throats.
And that Flower Pot Man, that David Parker, is me.
It’s not so bad on Halloween.