Do You Even Know Where You Are?

I sit at my desk typing words, or at least I think they’re words. It’s like a dream, and everything I input makes little sense, or none at all. The lights in the office are neither bright nor dim, they just keep things from being blank. I sit and picture benches and fields. But those pictures don’t last long. I click the mouse a few times, the boss slides past, leaving a blur in his wake. I blink, and it’s time to leave.

I’m now walking outside, cars are driving, constantly. I wonder where they’re all going, but I know most will be going home, to sit on a sofa and watch whatever the soap box families are getting up too. I wish I too, could find solace through soaps. I step into the road and a car beeps. I blankly stare, then I’m in bed.

I come to realise that these days are going by far too fast, like they are fragments, perhaps the final moments flashing before my eyes. I try to pick my mind and place it in the present, but my hands won’t penetrate the skin of my head. I stand still and nothing else does. People just look at me with my hands pressed against my head. It’s a headache, yep.

As I wade through life I see someone shouting at me. I can’t quite hear her, I used to be able to, but now she’s covered in water, or bubbles. I pick up a glass and throw it against the floor. As it shatters the dreams and water washes away. I’m awake once more, but it’s only a small respite.

So now I break windows, I break cars, I break hearts. I keep breaking to feel real, but these moments go by so quick I just have to keep shattering myself against the floor. But eventually I can’t pick myself up from the floor, there’s blood on the walls. The dreams are over, but then so is the reality.

A passer-by notices my body in the back alley. He comes up to me and shakes me, then roots through my pockets. He pulls out my wallet and I grab him before he walks away. I say he can have the money, he can have everything. Just throw me away somewhere, let me feel the sensation of breaking through dreams once more.

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