Seven Days In The Sun


I stayed inside all day. The thought of the sun made me feel sick, and I had to close all the blinds. The only problem is, I forgot all about the cracks in the bedroom ceiling, caused by a recent wild bat infestation. The sunlight peeked on through, hit my hand, and it disintegrated, poof, like a flash. I stayed inside my box for the rest of the day, cursing myself for not getting those cracks repaired. You don’t get that much sun round here, so I got lazy, complacent. This country is lazy because of our overhanging clouds, and you forget just what can happen with a little sunshine.  


I take the day off work to lie in the heat, sickie, you know, wouldn’t you? It isn’t often you get to enjoy the sun in this country. I lie in my garden listening to the stereo, Ween -Chocolate & Cheese, if you must know. And then… then that was it. I didn’t get back up, for the sun cooked my body, and I happened to die, it happens. My girlfriend was away for quite some time, business, you know. When she got back all she saw was my skull and bones. But she didn’t scream, she didn’t cry. She buried my bits and packed up my things, except for my chair, stereo, CDs. She listens to the Melvins, if you really must know. I now lie under the garden, but on those rare sunny days, I crawl back up from the soil, and sunbathe morning till noon. She doesn’t really mind.


I sit on the train heading to work. It’s real hot, and the compartment is packed, like sardines some people say. I read the paper but the pages set on fire. I gaze at my pocket mirror, for things stuck in my teeth, but the light hits it hard and its reflection blinds my favourite commuter, the one who sweats less than the others. So I carry on sitting in silence, as people faint, as people deflate, and the train conductor smiles collecting those fees. Business was hot today, and he walked the compartments naked with a fan attached to his cock, why not? No one complained, they were too busy frying. Only the nude and the crude made it to their destinations with only light burns to declare.


It was an unusual heat wave,and all the shops were shut. No one wanted to work, just siesta till closing time, what a waste, what a waste. I couldn’t afford a non-profit day, so I pushed each employee as a good manager does, with the promise of ‘good job’ stickers and discounted lunches, 5% off. They would carry those crates, produce results, lest they be sitting in the sun, CV’s in hand. Just a little sun and people can’t carry on, they all crawled on the splinters of dropped broken goods. Pathetic, really. I even wore my suit to work as usual, and when I got home my skin was peeling off with the material. An unusual heat wave indeed, and all my employees quit, one even tried to spit. This isn’t the right climate for that sort of thing.


A man thinks it’s still too cool so he sets himself alight. He runs around screaming and everybody laughs. A few even capture videos on their phones, making memories. It’s a beautiful day, and this man is on fire. He eventually dunks himself in the nearby river, he’d had his fill’ but a crocodile had escaped from the zoo, very common, so his face was torn apart like a well sheared kebab. I took a close-up of that one. Online celebrity, here I come!


Rows of office workers stand in front of fans. It cools their faces, until the fan desires more, starts to demand a little blood sacrifice for its blow. So the workers stick their fingers in the holes, and the fan eats them whole. Eventually, naturally, the fan demands more, so in go their faces, nose first and all. A caution ‘wet floor’ sign is needed as they drip into the carpet , but at least everyone is cool today, and that’s all that really matters.


The boss doesn’t want to come into work today, it’s too hot. So he decides to work from home, he’s the boss after all. But his laptop melts down into hot plastic liquid. So he decides to take the day off, but his business goes up in flames. So he shrugs and decides to take a long vacation, maybe to the North Pole, but the money he withdraws is no good as burnt ashes. So he looks for a new job, but the job centre is burning. So he decides to stick his head on a BBQ and join in, the latest viral craze.


Happy sunshine, forever more.


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