I sat inside all day. The thought of the sun made me feel sick, and I had to close all the blinds. The only problem is, I forgot about the hole in one of the walls. The sunlight hit my hand, and it disintegrated. I stayed under the bed covers the rest of the day, cursing myself for not getting that hole repaired. You don’t get that much sun round here, so I got lazy. This country is lazy because of the clouds. But this is what happens when you’re lazy, the sun can creep out at any time.
I take the day off work to lie in the sun, I mean, it isn’t often you get to enjoy the sun in this country. I lie in my garden while listening to the radio, and then… then that was it. I didn’t get back up, for the sun cooked my body, and I happened to die. My girlfriend was away on a business trip, so when she got back all she saw was my skeleton. But she didn’t scream, she didn’t cry. She buried my bones and packed up my things. I now lie under the garden, but I might crawl back up from the soil on sunny days.
I sit on the train heading to work. It’s real hot, and the compartment is packed. I read the paper but the pages set on fire. I look in a mirror but it blinds a girl. So I carry on sitting in silence, as people faint, and the train conductor smiles as he collects his fees. Business was hot today, and he walked the compartments naked with a fan attached to his crotch. No one complained, they were too busy dying.
It was an unusual heatwave,and all the shops were shut. No one wanted to shop when the sun was so hot, but my shop remained open. I couldn’t afford a non profit day, and I pushed my workers to the bone. They would carry my goods, produce results, lest they be sitting in the sun unemployed. Just a little sun and people can’t carry on. I even wore my suit to work as usual, and when I got home my skin was peeling off with the material. An unusual heatwave, and all my colleagues quit. This isn’t the right climate to quit work!
A man thinks its still too cool so he sets himself alight. He runs around screaming and everybody laughs. A few even capture videos on their phones. It’s a beautiful day, and this man is on fire. He dunks himself in the river, but a crocodile had escaped from the zoo, so his face was bitten in two. I took a video of that one. Online celebrity, here I come!
Rows of people sit in front of fans. It cools their faces, but the fan starts to demand blood sacrifices. So the people put their fingers in the fan, then eventually the fan demands more, so they stick their faces in. Blood splatters the walls, but at least everyone is cool today.
The boss doesn’t want to come into work today, it’s too hot. So he decides to work from home. But his laptop has melted. So he decides to take the day off, but his business sets alight. So he shrugs and decides to take a long vacation, but the money he withdraws burns away. So he looks for a new job, but the job centre is burning. So he decides to stick his head on a BBQ and join in.
Happy sunshine, forever more.