Channel Static’s Games of 2013

In 2013 I conquered worlds, and lead squads into battle. I scored the winning goal and broke a passerby’s legs. I also became a block and ended up trapped between a bunch of other blocks. That wasn’t such a pleasant memory, I should have continued living in the worlds of my top five games of 2013 for just a while longer. I shot hamsters for fun, defended whales, ran through jungles, paid my mortgage and did a thirty minute jog everyday till I threw up the morning banana. Ah, gaming.

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Level start!

5. Wii Fit U

wii fit u

A fitness game is worth placing in an end of year list when the fitness game entails flapping arms to fly from platform to platform in a chicken outfit, balancing a dish of treats to serve customers and pumping water at muddy Miis to send them into an unconscious state. The serious stuff is there for people who actually want to have a proper go at the fitness thing too. For me, the prospect of running around work all day with the Wii Fit pedometer and going home to do a hip hop dance is enough for me to get my fitness kicks. The pedometer controls me, watching my every move. It won’t go away.

4. Serious Sam Double D XXL

serious sam double d xxl

This 2D shooter beats out any 3D shooters last year, thanks to the power of gun stacking. Rather than just charging through the masses of flying cats and giant hamsters with a machine gun, why not charge through with a shotgun stacked on a chainsaw, stacked on a rocket launcher, stacked on the machine gun? It’s truly modern art.

3. Doritos Crash Course 2

doritos crash course 2Free To Play is seen as a curse word in some parts of the world, with intense grinding needed to get anywhere unless you have a credit card at the ready. Crash Course 2 does have purchase options to get further quicker, but it’s a platformer where skill and fun overrides the need to spend, spend, spend. And not a single Dorito in sight. Except for the pack I’m eating right now.

2. Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney Dual Destinies

phoenix wright

The new lawyer text adventure has gone digital only this time round, the physical world no longer welcoming for the blue badger. While the original creator Shu Takumi is no longer part of the team, the writing still brings enough mystery and suspense, with mythical monster murders and troubles in space taking place. All wrapped together with animated scenes and 3D characters objecting to an orchestrated score. Three lawyers, five cases, and a whole lot of text.

1. Animal Crossing New Leaf

HNI_0049

My reality was lost to talking sheep and plastic furniture, it took months before I could crawl on out. My time was spent building abstract art in the park, dancing with myself in the nightclub, dreaming of murder and visiting friends online for a spot of mole hammering on the nearby tropical island. For a short time, Twistle became my new Oswaldtwistle. Carrying an axe was accepted, not questioned.

Honourable Mention: A.R.E.S Extinction Agenda EX

Bonus Round

Best Download Content

New Super Luigi U (For New Super Mario Bros. U)

new luigi

2013 was the Year of Luigi, and to celebrate Nintendo went and remixed New Super Mario Bros. U, Mario pushed out into the cold. While Luigi jumps in the same levels of the original, they’ve been sprinkled with deadly jumps and multiple enemies; like a cake for masochists. It’s pretty much all new here, and the harder challenge and harsher time limit makes for an exciting venture back into the Mushroom Kingdom, with additional  player swearing on the way. An expansion so great, Nintendo tried to pass it off as a completely new game. In a green box. Sell it to me.

Best Re-release 

The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD

zelda wind waker

The Wind Waker  brings back hazy memories of simpler times. Sailing the seas between high school days and sharing the adventure among friends. In 2013, the adventures can be shared with bottles thrown into the sea, and the puzzle adventure’s HD sheen makes the great open sea seem never before seen. A great game in 03, a great game in 13. Harassing pigs will never get old, even if I will. I need a HD sheen!

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